Welcome to FUDGE - Fighting Upper-Decking Goons with Education

Stories:

These stories are shared and submitted by visitors like you. They are provided to aid in the education and prevention of upper-decking. Victim? Evil-doer? Want a sweet FREE sticker? Click here to submit your own story.

7/1/2010	Just Because For years and years, I had heard stories of "top-shelving" aka upper-decking. My friends and I always heard them second-hand and always laughed about the idea of taking a crap in someone's toilet tank. Well, one recent weekend I ended up at a party at someone's house that I did not know. I mean, I had almost 3 full degrees of separation from the actual homeowner/party host. This party was strange. Guys touching each others' balls with their hands and pressing their balls together. Anyways, the keg ran out and I sensed the perfect opportunity was at hand. I carefully did the deed and one of my friends at the party even went in and checked if I had indeed "top-shelved". I even flushed afterwords. This was almost a month ago and I am pretty sure I got away with the perfect crime.
7/10/2009	Suspicious Activity I was introduced to the art of decking the upper "areas" in a public bathroom one day. So I decided to find the "crap of destiny" I went to my local ALCO while my brother was guarding the door so i could complete the mission. After leaving the biggest juicy I could have imagined in their public toilet, I came out to find a manager waiting at the door. I guess my brother laughing and guarding caused a red flag and grounds for theft accusations. But the only thing they found were Lincoln Logs someone left in the toilet tank!
7/1/2009	Vacation On The Runs I recently went on vacation from Nebraska to Florida and during the trip I had decided I wanted it to be a fun trip. I had heard of the Upper Decker from my buddy at work, and while on my way to FL I decided to try this act myself. Every motel and gas station that I had stopped at got a nice surprise in their bathrooms to FL, in FL, and on the way back to Nebraska. I calculated it to be 12 total Upper Deckers! An epic journey if you ask me.
11/15/2008	Learning By Example Recently, a buddy and I were on our way to Cleveland, OH for the Browns-Broncos game. I was the Broncos fan, he was the Browns fan. On our way up to Cleveland, he was talking about a tradition of what he, his brother and their friends partake in on their way to concerts: Trash restrooms. I said, "Dude, I'm going to trump that easily with an upper-decker." Since I previously explained to him what an upper-decker is, and told him about my last upper-decking escapade. He said, "Wow. That's going to be funny." So, we stop at a gas station, and the restrooms were in a separate building. I walk in to the men's room, and what do ya know: it has an actual tank instead of being attached to the wall. I lock the door, and much to my temporary dismay, it didn't have a lid for me to stand on. So, I had to take my pants completely off, hang them up on the door hook, drop my boxers and STAND, delivering this upper-decker. But, alas, everything came out alright. When I wiped, I threw it in the trash, put the lid back on the tank, put my pants back on, washed my hands several times and escaped the restroom.
8/20/2008	Suspended It all started when the toilets at school had been renovated. We wanted to do something, but we weren't quite sure what would be fitting. After much deliberation my friend told us about a scene from an American pie movie where a guy upper decks a toilet. We all instantly fell in love with the idea and couldn't wait to try it out on the sparkling new toilets. We all entered quickly, checking the rest of the toilet for bystanders. The coast was clear. One of my friends volunteered to do the deed as he hadn't shat for over 3 days and his bowls were almost ready to explode. He entered the cubicle and we all waited. Anticipation was high as he departed the cubicle, a mischievous smile spread wide across his face. We rushed into the cubicle and stared with delight at what was possibly the largest single log we had ever seen. It just sat there, like a lifeless brown snake at the bottom of the pool of water. We all collapsed in laughter, the hilarity of the scene too funny to comprehend. The humor however, did not last. The controversy one single log can cause astounded the entire student body and after my brothers friend dobbed us in, suspensions were handed down for not only the offender but the bystanders. However the legend of the upper deck lives on and one day I hope to continue this epidemic that is making plumbers lives hell.
7/16/2008	Hotel Service I went on a business trip for 2 months to Colorado Springs. Me and my business partner stayed in a hotel that was obviously in a transition period. This is the type of hotel that was DESPERATELY trying to shed its ghetto image. However, they are failing at that. A vast majority of the hotel staff is extremely incompetent. At this crappy hotel, we had their most expensive room, a 2 BR, 1 living room/kitchen suite. My business partner needed an AC in his room and they finally delivered it two weeks later, after he got in the owner's face in front of his staff. The owner got real pissy about it. A few days after we got the AC, he sent one of his men up to our room to tell him we couldn't grill out on our front porch. I looked around and there were at least 4 or 5 people grilling out. That was the last straw. The night before my last day in Colorado, I ate a ton of food. Two burgers, a personal pizza, candy bars, a whole bag of cheetos, and guzzled a 6-pack of Bud Light (despite it being CO and not Coors Light.) I woke up that next morning, and my stomach was aching... that meant only one thing: Time to get my revenge on this hotel! I put my shoes on, go into the bathroom, mount myself on the toilet, and BOOM! Dropped an Upper Decker right in the tank! Hearing that first turd plop in the water was hilariously refreshing! I hope those people discover it long after I'm gone. They won't be able to rent that room out for a while anyway... it's a ghetto hotel and I doubt anybody with a dime in their pocket will ever choose to stay there.
7/02/2008	Mexican Aquarium There was this kid who was the biggest jerk in the U.S.A. So me and my two best friends (we'll call them Sean and Dylan) had the best plan, an upper-decker. Sean made this kid a false friend and we snuck in to his house. While Sean distracted him we realized there are two of us and one toilet. But Dylan didn't want to crap next to me so we had to think outside the box luckily there was a fish tank with no fish in it but plenty of water. Oh yeah, the mess we made was so bad we had to take pictures. So I pulled out my cell phone and put this in the scrapbook. Next day he said someone broke into his house and crapped in his fish tank while he went out with Sean. He also said his mom gave him the beating of his life because that was a 1500 dollar fish tank and another 300 for someone to clean his house. We don't know how he took to the upper-decker in his toilet but I bet it was a pleasant surprise to either him or his mom. The moment was so great we call this experience a "Mexican Aquarium".
1/2/2008	Turd Terrorism I recently graduated from college in Mississippi and moved to Charlotte N.C. to find a dream job. Dream jobs don't come as easy as I like so I had to take a job at a local restaurant to pay the bills. The manager of this hell hole is quite a jerk and treats his employees like garbage. I hated this job more than anything in the world. Every day that I had to go into work was the worst day of my life. I got an e-mail from a friend several years back that informed me of this website and found it very amusing. I never thought that the information you provided would help me get my final revenge. Having recently moved away from home I looked forward to returning to Mississippi on Christmas to see family and friends. This dream was crushed when I was informed that I would have to work Christmas Eve, the day after Christmas and New Year? Eve. The Manager was nice enough to give himself these days off and the female employees he has slept with. This did not sit well in my stomach. I sat around for hours thinking about how I could get out of these B.S. duties and finally it came to me! There are a million restaurants in charlotte and I went to get a job elsewhere starting on the 3rd of January. It was later that evening at a bar that I decided with some friends on the proper way to quit, TURD TERRORISM! The next night I showed up 20 minutes late for my shift and immediately had all of my tables seated. I gave them all drinks and took their food orders then disappeared into the men? room. The previous night? hot wings and PBR was boiling in my stomach causing an anal orchestra. I found mounting the top of the toilet quite difficult and somewhat painful but I knew what had to be done. My bowels unleashed a beast from hell and I squeezed the sides with all my might. I transferred to another stall for wiping and walked out of the bathroom making sure the customers witnessed me not washing my hands. I then approached all of my tables informing them I would be quitting due to unsanitary conditions in the food prepping areas and advised them to find a cleaner place to eat. I went to my boss and told him that the entire place smelled like poop so I am quitting. I later heard from co-workers that the sewage backed up into the store and they had to close for two days.
7/4/2007	The Thieves That Got Something Extra A couple years ago I was living in a great house by myself and invited a band that grew up with my best friend (I'll call him Matt) over for an after party. I thought I was being pretty cool letting them bring about 30 people over, more than half I didn't know, especially since Matt (who knew all these people) didn't come to the after party. Things got crazy, but there was no permanent damage, so no big deal. The next day I told Matt about the party and he was shocked that nothing was broken, destroyed, ruined, stolen, or vandalized. That got me looking around and I discovered that someone had stolen my Chanel sunglasses, 2 pairs of $150 jeans, some earrings, and a pair of $300 boots. It was obviously one of the 4 girls at the party. I made a claim to my insurance company and didn't say anything to anyone except Matt about the missing things... and waited for the right time to attack. I got my chance 3 months later, when the suspected girls, who all lived together, had a cocktail party. While everyone was busy being stupid drunk, I went into the girls' rooms and found my boots in one girl's closet and both of MY jeans in another's closet. This was war. I shoved one of the stolen pairs of jeans into my handbag for later. Around 7am when everyone was passed out, I took the jeans with me into the main bathroom and took a giant dump in the tank, wiped with the stolen jeans (which my insurance company had already replaced), dumped them in the bathtub, and bolted before anyone even noticed I was gone. They were slobs and had a gross house anyway, but people said their bathroom smelled like poop for about a month after that. I'm guessing they never cleaned it up. Nobody knows it was me, and I'm not the kind of girl that would do anything like that (whoops). They probably still think they got away with stealing my stuff. Or maybe they figured out from the jeans that it was me and I knew. I don't really care, bitches get what they deserve.
3/9/2007	Upper-deck Gets the Slip My story begins with the pathetic ending of another. After receiving conviction for a DWI, I was given a breathalyzer to put in my car. I had to blow into this thing every time before I wanted to start my vehicle, and a few times while driving the car. The breathalyzer had to be serviced by a technician every month to determine how many times I failed it. I was going on vacation and during this time, I was supposed to have the unit tested. The technician allowed me to go, saying that it would not be a problem. Upon return, much to my dismay, the car was locked out because the unit had not been serviced. Very disgruntled, I had someone drive me 30 miles to the technician to have him reset the unit. As I was acting on pure hatred, I decided to use this man's bathroom. I removed the lid and sat up on the upper-deck portion of the toilet. After the business was complete, I looked back to see my work. It turns out that I missed the toilet and my turd actually slipped between the wall and the toilet! I decided to leave it be on the floor and I got the hell out of there. I never heard back from that guy and I continue to avoid his shop!
3/2/2007	Thinking on Your Feet Against my better judgment I wolfed down a Gordita Supreme from the drive thru. About an hour later in my cubicle I noticed my stomach was starting to brew a full pot of high-test BUTT COFFEE. Knowing that this was most likely going to be the "Big One", I jumped in the car and rushed down to the Harley dealership which was only a half mile from my office. I was planning my first Upper Deck job. When I arrived I pretended to browse for about thirty seconds and realized that I was beginning to "cap". After one last waltz through the black T-shirt section I quickly headed for what was soon to be known as GROUND ZERO. Once inside the facilities I leaped into the first stall. I was heartbroken to discover that they did not have the upper tank configuration on their setup that I was counting on. That's when I slowly turned and looked over at the white porcelain sink across the room as the light bulb suddenly appeared above my head. I only had about 4 seconds to lock the door, drop trowel, and assume the position. Let's just say that they most likely had to hire a professional PLUMBING TEAM to handle that disaster. As I drove away I realized that this was far more brutal than a mere Upper Decking. No this was just plain wrong. I've decided to call it "Shut'em Down"
2/28/2007	Triple-Decker On our way down to the beach, we stopped at a Dairy Queen. We sat down and began to feast on their delicious burgers. Halfway through this burger, I realized that it had already hit rock-bottom and was coming out whether I as in a bathroom or not. Pissed, I decided to go into their bathroom and take it out on their toilet. Snap. Picture for proof. At the beach, with the hilarity of the first upper-deck still settling down, we met a few girls in our hotel. A couple of them were pretty hot but they had one girl who we referred to as the Big Fat Hurtin (BFH). One of my friends thinks bigger is hotter, so he was drunk one night and made a move. As he was rummaging through her fat rolls, we took it upon ourselves to upper-deck her toilet. Snap. The next day she came knocking on our door saying that her toilet was broken and needed to use ours...hotel hospitality had to open the tank and fix the problem! On the way home from this fantastic trip we hit a snag in the voyage as a tire went flat and we were left driving on the rim. We were towed to a local tire place, where we sat...and sat...and sat..so long that we had to stay the night and wait until morning for it to be fixed. Not only did they not have the right tire, but all they had was a tire that cost $300 or so. We didn? take this so well, as we all took turns visiting their bathroom and taking turns providing their bathroom with many memories. Snap.
1/20/2007	Recycling Dessert This morning I woke up to find that my roommate upper-decked me. He was bragging about it last night, but I didn't know what an upper decker was until about an hour ago. The worst part is that he just left for a week long vacation to Vegas @ 4AM, so I totally got stuck cleaning it up. I will get my revenge though. I just went into our freezer and took out a brand new half gallon of his black-raspberry chip ice-cream. Then I scooped out about half of it into a large bowl. Next, I took the net from his fish tank and fished his upper decker out of my toilet and put it into his half empty box of ice cream! After that, I microwaved the ice cream that I had put into the bowl. Once it was melted, I poured it back into the container to conceal the turd. I just put it back into the freezer, so hopefully it will re-freeze all nice and smooth. Once he gets back from Vegas, he is likely to get really stoned and dig into his ice cream like usual. I can't wait to have the last laugh when I get to tell him that he is eating his own upper decker!!!!
12/14/2006	Tight Squeeze A buddy of mine recently moved into a new apartment with his girlfriend. He got too drunk and puked in my car a few weeks earlier, and I decided I would pay him back with a big, stinky, upper-decker. However, upon examining his bathroom I noticed that this would be no simple task. There was a glass shelf coming from the wall right above the tank of his toilet, and there was only about 2 inches of clearance between the tank's lid and the shelf. It was clear that taking a seat on top of the tank would be impossible. About a week later, he had a ton of people over to watch the OSU - Michigan game, and I decided that it was time for me to make my move. I went into the bathroom and removed the lid off of his tank. Then, I took a dump on a Sports Illustrated magazine that he had next to his sink. Then, I used the magazine to carefully insert the goods into the top of his tank. I put the soiled magazine back under the rest of the reading material in the stack, placed the lid back on the tank, and left the bathroom. My buddy was already lined up to use it next, and he looked pretty pale. Now the fun starts.... It turned out that he ended up drinking way too much again, and thought that he was going to be sick. So he went into the bathroom and took a seat on the floor next to the throne. He lifted the lid and started to puke into the bowl. After about 5 minutes, he flushed. He wasn't done throwing up yet, so his head was right over the toilet water when the Upper Decker kicked in!!! He started to scream in Gibberish, and then he tripped and fell into his bathtub. Once he was in the tub, he never made it out for about 18 hours. He kept puking all over himself and the tub. He was a total mess. He passed out after a while, but people still kept using the toilet and every time they flushed it the whole room would smell awful, and the smell and screams would wake him up again. He ended up spending the entire night in the tub. The next day he tried to clean out his tank, but the shelf above the lid was in the way. He ended up having to remove the shelf from the wall. The funniest part was that he never found out who did it. He thinks it was this guy Andy who really likes Michigan and hates OSU. My buddy that I decked just called me up to tell me that he got someone else back by upper-decking the toilet at his mom's house.
7/22/2006	Happy Housewarming My boss had been talking about his new home that was being built all winter long. This past April it was finally finished, and when it was, he had a house-warming party the weekend after he moved in. He invited everyone from work, and I decided to show up because he had a couple of kegs. Once I got drunk, I remembered this old prank from my college days...."the upper-decker" So I went down to his basement where most of the younger crowd was shooting pool. There wasn't any line for the bathroom down there, so I walked right in to the can. I lifted the lid off of his brand-new crapper and took a seat right on top of tank. I dropped my stinking load and replaced the lid. I didn't want to be the first one to flush, so instead of using TP I used the inside of his shower curtain. After that, I casually got in line to play some pool. 10 minutes later a girl used the bathroom that I had just decked, but she came out a minute later like nothing happened. So maybe she never used the toilet. But after that, it was chaos. A group of 4 girls all went into the bathroom together and I could hear confusion through the door. The next thing I know, I hear them take off the lid of the tank, and then the screaming starts. Everyone runs up the stairs and out the door, and a rumor about a septic tank being installed in reverse starts to float around!! HAHA!! In the end, nobody would go back in my boss's basement for the rest of the night because of the awful smell (even after he had to use his tongs from his BBQ set to pluck out the king-sized house-warming gift that I left for him). It was an awesome prank - he never found out what happened. In the future I hope to get to his X-mass party early and give him an "Old Faithful." An Old-Faithful (see below) is just like the volcano experiments that kids did back in grade school. It is a little complicated though.
7/22/2006	Old Faithful Geyser Here are the steps: 1) Remove lid from toilet 2) Flush toilet, then grab black floating ball in the tank before the bowl refills. Hold the ball there for now. The bowl of the toilet should be empty. 3) Fill the bowl up with vinegar 4) Pour about 5 boxes or baking soda into the tank 5) Release black ball, so the baking soda mixes with fresh water, and replace the lid. - leave, watch, and wait. The next person to use the bathroom will hopefully take a crap. When they do, they will poop into the vinegar. Then they will flush, and the vinegar will mix with the baking-soda/water solution that is up in the tank. When it does, a chemical reaction between the vinegar and baking soda will begin, and the toilet will foam, and then overflow... leaving the nastiest mess ever.
3/31/2006	The Brothers McMullen I was out in Colorado staying at my brother's place while he was in Europe. After his flight back, he stopped by my apartment and hung out with my roomate and one of my friends. When I picked him up at the airport, one of the first things that he tells me is that he just took a "massive crap" in my bathroom that stunk so bad that 20 minutes later my friend was unable to walk down the hall. Later that night he mentioned in passing that he had given me an upper decker, but I figured that he was not being serious. The next day, we went to lunch with my parents and he mentioned several times that he had left an upper decker in my bathroom. Again, I shrugged it off. After lunch, we went back to his house and he again told me that he upper deckered me. He was very insistant that he did this, and repeated this to me dozens of times. Eventually, I threatened retaliation and decided to call my roomate and check on this story. I asked him to check if I had been upper deckered. I heard him lift the lid and say something to the effect of "Oh my God! Gross!" He then told me that I was upper deckered, but that my toilet had been running for the past day, so most of it was gone. Now, I was more sure that he had got me, but still not 100% convinced, so I told my brother that my roomate had said that he wasn't sure, but that it was possible. Again, I threatened him with a full and equal retaliation, but he did not deny it. In fact, he kept telling me that he did it. the whole time he was cracking up, and rolling on the floor laughing (because come on, its hilarious to do this to someone). So, about 30 minutes before I left town, I went in his bathroom and returned the favor. I sent him a text message that said "Your upper has been deckered" right before takeoff. Well, I made it back home and went straight for the bathroom. As it turned out, my brother had not upper deckered me! In fact, my roomte told me later that night that he only told me that I had been so that I would fight my brother. Needless to say that I got an angry phone call from my brother when he found out (which happened to be about 8 hours after the deed). He kept screaming about how his whole house smelled and that I had no right to do that. I kept trying to explain that I had no reason to think he hadn't done it to me first, but he would not listen. I've never heard him so angry in his life, but if you were me you would only have thought that you were getting revenge for the exact same act. Well, now my brother says he doesn't want to talk to me ever again because of poop! (Come on dude, you know its funny, and that I thought I was only returning the favor) So there is a chance that the upper decker may have ruined what was a good relationship between brothers. Yet as much as that sucks, I can't help but laugh when I imagine what his ouse must have smelled like 8 hours after the deed!
7/27/2005	Annual Fast-Food Delight I live in Minnesota, and every summer since I graduated High School (it's been 5 years now) a bunch of my old high school pals drive up north for a drink fest at this lake. Every time we stop in the small town out there, and proceed to eat lunch at the local fast food joint. It is a ritual to hit the upper deck of all their toilets, even the ones in the women's room. We are a bunch of scoundrels and the disgusted looks on the employees faces every year are priceless. And that is the reason that we continue to practice this religion to this day. Last year, our trip was Thursday thru Sunday. Well on Thursday afternoon, the burger joint is empty except for the retired people drinking coffee and the employees. One by one, we hit up all the toilets in that place. We even hit up one of them twice. When one of the old men needed to use the bathroom, we all tried to keep quiet but we all giggled loudly. When he walked out of the bathroom, the look of pure disgust was so funny. He was aware that we were the only ones who had been in those bathrooms, so he knew it was one of us. Needless to say, I hope that everyone can experience the fun that is a "upper decker" some time in their life.
6/5/2005	The Misplaced Upper-Decking When I was in High School about 2 years ago I had this friend for this story let's call him Neff. Neff was the guy we all liked to play pranks on and mess around with. For example we would dance right behind him when he tried to use the urinal and make fat jokes about him. So long story short one day in math class I turned to my friend Bill and said "Hey Bill we should upper-decke Neff's house today." Bill was very excited and up to the task, because he had had pizza and nachos for lunch. So I devised a plan that we would call up ol' Neff and invite him to the mall and when we went to pick him up we Bill would ask to use the bathroom. So the plan went accordingly and Bill went in and upper-decked Neffs main household toilet (and let me remind you that we were in High School and Neff still lived with his parents.) So we left the house and went to the mall 45 mins away. After spending a full hour in the mall, Bill decided to let Neff know of the pending disaster. He turned to him on the way out of Footlocker and said "Hey Neff by the way I did an upper-decker at your house". Neff stopped cold in his tracks in disbelief and turned ghost white. Neff then began to fill us in that that was his mother's bathroom that only she uses. But he never called to warn her. Upon arriving back to the Neff residence, Neff immediately ran into the bathroom to lift the lid and take a look. "You liar, the toilet is fine" said Neff. But just as Neff had finished stating that fact we heard his mother calling from up stairs by his first name, upon hearing this, my partner in crime and I ran outside. Neff's mom said to him "Neff do you have any idea what I just had to go through, What was that, is that your idea of a joke, It's ok for your friends to play pranks on you but that was a prank on me". She went on and on yelling at him for the assault while his father and brother were laughing in the background. That story kept me and everyone else in the school laughing for weeks anytime it was brought up.
5/1/2005	Self Sacrifice My brother moved in with my husband and I because we lived near his school. My brother is a big snotty prick, and thinks he is hot crap, because he goes to this school, (it is not that big of a deal, I went to the same school and graduated) I had just had my gallbladder removed and had to get used to a new diet, if I ate something to greasy or fatty I would get bad diarrhea. Well my brother spends like 2 hours in the toilet every day, stinks up the bathroom and despite being asked a hundred times, doesn? open the window when he is done. One day, I, to my misery, had really bad diarrhea, and was franticly trying to get to the toilet. (We were having a new bath tub/shower installed in the other bathroom) I was practically pounding the door down to get him out, and he finally comes waltzing out with a retarded grin on his rat-like face. I run in slam the door and get on the toilet. Then the smell hit... it was so rank and nasty, I threw up on the floor. After I was done going to the bathroom, and cleaning the floor, my brother yelled that he had to finish going to the bathroom. A fresh wave of diarrhea hit and I had a plan, so I upper-decked my own toilet and opened the window, and let my brother in. I waltzed out and he ran in. When he was finished and flushed he ran out in a panic and said that he had done something to the toilet and that he needed a plumber.. So in the end, my brother spent $150 to have a plumber come out and "take care of the problem." Yes I am evil, but he deserves it.
4/20/2005	Cheaters Never Win My buddy Sam and I had went to a band party with another group of our friends (she was dating the singer). It was a large house in one of the nice neighborhoods. Tons of rooms and LOTS of bathrooms. We had heard of people upper-decking (also double-decking) toilets before but have never actually done so. After many beers and hanging out for a while, I was in search of an un-used toilet and I walked in on the singer hooking up with someone other than Sam. I was like WTF but they didn't seem to care. I went back to tell rally the troops but Sam had a better idea. We then all split off and upper-decked all three toilets. It was absolutely NASTY. After the deed was done, Sam went upstairs and busted her soon to be ex-boyfriend. His folks were supposed to home the next afternoon and he was cold busted for having a party. Not to mention two of the toilets were clogged with poo (one was a gigantic floater that only steeped in the water like a fragrant tea).
4/18/2005	Fraternity Protest I'm a freshman student and I've been living in the dormitories since the beginning of school. Anyway, my roommate just recently became a brother in his fraternity and last month invited me to a party at the fraternity house. Now, I don't know why I went because everyone in his frat is an asshole, including him...but thank God I did. I met this dude who went by the name of Pete and we immediately started talking about how much this frat sucked ass. Now, I had just come back from visiting my parents over break and being that my family is Greek, I ate some pretty greasy food, what with all that olive oil and everything, before I came back to school. Long story short, I had to take a dump really bad and figured it perfect to take a dump in my roommate's frat house, but Pete suggested something better than that. He said I should take a dump in the top of the toilet. I asked him why I would do that (since I knew nothing of upper-decking at the time) and he said it would totally fuck up the clean water supply in the top of the toilet and cause contaminated water to flow into the blow. So after a few drinks I thought "Hey, sounds like a good idea." So I passed on hooking up with the hot chick and went straight for the bathroom. I did my thing, and got the fuck out of there before anyone found out. The next day my roommate tells me that the bathroom in his frat house was ruined by someone crapping in the top part of it. I laughed so damn hard that my roommate had to say, "Dude, it's not that funny." From what I've heard they were able to fix the problem, but not until a week later. My roommate told me almost everyday after that party about how much the house smelled and every time I would always have the largest grin on my face.
4/05/2005	Faux Upper-Deck Favor Returned So, we were sitting around the frat house one afternoon talking about beer, girls and video games when my friend Billy walks through the front door returning from a trip. He sat down and told us of all the drunken adventures he had with his buddies. It was a normal conversation until he related the story of his friend upper-decking a random house party toilet. Although gross, we all got a good laugh and left it at that. That weekend we had a monster party. The type of party where you get so wasted that you insult a girl one second, offer her a glass of grainy hunch punch, make up and hook up with her 10 minutes later. We're all having a good time until my friend Billy comes running across the room grinning from ear to ear. I'm psyched to hear what he has to say because he usually tells funny stories. I couldn't have gotten more pissed off when I heard what he had to say. I get fired up pretty easily and I could barely control myself as he bragged to everyone about upper-decking my toilet. I stormed off with a crew of people following me to check my toilet. Sure enough, on the first flush, little brown bits filled the toilet. Everyone laughed until tears formed in their eyes. I took a deep breath, composed myself, told Billy it was a good joke and went back to the party.... Although composed on the outside, I'm furious on the inside... TIME FOR PAYBACK. I left the party and got a big, messy order of Chinese food. I killed my General Tao's chicken and began slamming beers. Figured the combination of Milwaukee's best and Chinese food would do the job. It is now pretty late in the night and I have some serious craps building up in me. I went to his bathroom, lifted the lid and let loose. Apparently, he was sleeping across the hall and he awoke to me grunting on his toilet. I finished getting all the evil out of my butt and proudly walked out of his bathroom. I'm wasted, began laughing at Billy and yelled a bunch of garbled words that indicated I just upper-decked his toilet. He didn't believe me until he flushed his toilet and was knocked to the floor by the putrid smell. He WAS NOT amused... He called me an A-hole and explained that he had put a brownie in my toilet earlier that evening...... OH WELL....
4/01/2005	Teachers Beware My senior year of high school, we had just moved to some portables for renovation on the school (like we cared). And we had this one teacher, who was our engineering teacher. He was the biggest jerk, always coming down on us and being condescending. So one day, my friends and I decided the perfect revenge; the infamous "upper-decker". We convinced my friend Mark to do the deed. So he snuck in during first period, went straight to the bathroom, did the deed, and left. Later that day, we were coming in to the class, and as soon as we crossed what is now being called the "Stink Event Horizon" we smelled it. It smelled so bad through the whole portable for 2 days. That is pretty normal i suppose, but it took a turn for the strange, through some sort of voodoo magic, it dwelled in the toiled for a whole week afterwards. Every time someone flushed the toilet, BAM!!! a brown swirl would engulf the toilet bowl, and the entire room would smell like fresh poo.
3/10/2005	Poker Payback Five days prior to the deed, a vegan by the name of Matt hacked into my online poker account and stole $50. When plotting revenge for this treachery, we came upon this helpful site. The concept of the upper-decking was just perfect for revenge on a fat vegan jerk. For the final two days before I took the high-seat, I held my poop in, while eating the nastiest, most greasy foods imaginable. To top it off I downed a two liter bottle of soda to ensure its fluidity. On the day of the crime, it finally became so painful, that I knew zero hour had arrived. After "dropping by to say hello" I asked to use the bathroom when I did the deed and told my 2 friends that the deed was done. It wasn't till the following day did I get a message from Matt that went as follows: "You took a dump in the top. Why would you take a dump...in the top? I just don't get it. You actually took a dump, in the top. That's just lame." I just died laughing. He later told me that his dad paid their cleaning lady $80 to clean it out. He told me that I had to pay him for it but all I told him was "I did the deed and the deed is done."
3/06/2005	Fraternal Ritual Recently, at an unidentified sorority party in upstate New York, I stood witness to one of the most awe inspiring accomplishments this side of the mighty Mississippi. My fraternity brothers, after a yearly alcoholic ritual, proceeded to leave an upper-deck and a steamy Mexican in their bathroom. This has been a ritual that has been exercised the past five years, twice a year. It is a part of my fraternal heritage and a great reason for the pride that i have in my fraternity.
3/02/2005	Plummer Bummer A friend of mine threw a party in college at his frat house at a un-named University in the Midwest. Now I won't mention the name of the school but people at there are real stuck up pricks, but they like to drink a lot. Apparently someone else had the same feelings about the folks who attend that school and about a week after the said party, my friend had noticed his bathroom stunk like holy hell. He called a plumber and after a minute or two of investigating he noticed the problem. In a casual, passing manner the said plumber had three words "Standard Upper-Decker". His diagnosis was stated so casually that my friend felt as though he had seen it a thousand times before.
3/01/2005	Breakup Revenge About 7 months ago, a good female friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend - she had enough of him treating her like crap (no pun intended). He ended up calling her about a week later, and wanted to pick up some stuff he had left at her apartment. While over, he asked to use the facilites. She thought nothing of it. She actually didn't notice that she had been upper-decked until a couple of hours later, when she went to use the bathroom. It was a dirty trick to pull, especially on a female, but we gave him what he deserved - we crapped in his gas tank.
3/01/2005	At a Foreign Movie Scene I was in Amsterdam last May (2004) for week of "horticultural research" and just to hang with some friends from the U.K. Anyhoo, we're sitting in this coffee shop called where at night they happened to be shooting scenes for Ocean's 12 that week. After a few hours of drinking and buying and trying the various other goodies sold there, I needed to take a dump of Biblical proportions! (I tell you, jet lag does weird things to your bowels). I found that the bathroom had been locked when I went to relieve myself and I asked the guy behind the bar for a key. He told me that "he'd just cleaned them in advance of the film crew and cast coming and that they were closing for the day" because of said film crew and actors. I begged, pleaded, and reminded this jerk that we had just spent a pile of cash here and could he please let me in because I was desperate. So he finally relented as long as I didn't mess the bathroom up. Well screw him, I upper-deck that prick and we left. He actually checked to see if I'd messed up his bathroom up but he was none the wiser. We laughed our guts out for days at the though of who might be the one to discover my nice little Dutch treat. I die laughing every time I see that scene in the movie because I know that there's an upper-decker in the toilet.
3/01/2005	Returned Favor I had a party at my apartment, which me and my roomie have decked out to remind us of our favorite bar, with free beer and vodka. A "friend" of mine came with his punk friends, and while at my apartment he "upper decked" my roomie's toilet. Until I found this site, I didn't know what an "upper deck" was. Now that I know, I have since "found" his e-mail password and ruined his relationship with the love of his life. Moral of the story, DON'T UPPER-DECK!!!!! I hope this deters some would be upper-deckers.
2/26/2005	The New Year's Party Pooper Thankfully I have never been a victim of an upper-decker. I can not imagine the horror of trying to alleviate the problem after it has occurred. Which is why I thought of it as the perfect way to get back at an enemy of mine. I went to a New Years party in college that a buddy of mine had told us to come to. We got there and it was pretty lame beacuse the five of us that went didn't know anyone else besides ourselves. That didn't stop us from having a good time. We heard it was a BYOB party, so we had a case of beer and a bottle of alcohol. Instead of passing the bottle around, we got cups from the party host's kitchen. Which he thought we were stealing from him and using those cups to drink from the keg that the people paid for. He jumped to this wild conclusion and accused us of wrong-doing when we hadn't done anything. It wasn't even midnight yet and he was trying to kick us out. When I got word of his ignorant actions, and knowing I was going to be leaving soon, I performed the dirty deed. I think he deserved it.
2/28/2005	Beware: The Lame Can Too I heard about upper-decking from a friend of mine, but always considered it apocryphal. So, enjoying poop humor, I spread the legend as far and wide as I could. All my friends had a good laugh, until one day my acquaintance Josh (name changed to protect the browned) announced that he had been ACTUALLY upper-decked. After some investigating (read: bribing with beer) I discovered the culprit - another acquaintance who, interestingly enough, had some sort of disease that kept him from walking normally. That makes it all the more impressive: perching on that bowl and not falling off must have been incredibly hard for him. An inspiring tale of human triumph over adversity, I'd say.

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